It's been just over a week since I've turned 25 and officially hit the halfway mark of my 20’s. A quarter of a century old. How did I get here. Honestly.
Life is short. This is by no means something I just learned this year from living through coronavirus. I learned this at a very young age and have continued to remind myself of it often as I have lost others throughout my life, both expected and not. It is something that has guided me to many life decisions such as working abroad and played a part in developing personality traits like living loudly and unapologetically. And as sad as it is to reflect on loss, it also reminds me to reflect on happiness and all that I have been blessed with in this life so far.
Hug those you love often. With the first one having been established, hug those you love often—you never know when it might be the last time. However, I do have a handful of friends who do not consider hugging their love language so take it any way you can; whether it be through memes, jokes, banter, cooking, or binging Netflix shows together.
Be kind to yourself. Self care is NOT selfish. The first step to happiness is being happy with yourself and one great way to start is with positive affirmations! It can sound cheesy but it’s SO TRUE. It's completely helped how I see and treat myself. I take time to compliment myself in the mirror, mentally wind down at the end of a long day, have a face mask and movie night, and anything else that makes me feel more centered and appreciated. The longest relationship you will have is with yourself so better make it a healthy one.
Treat Yo’self. And don’t wait for a special occasion to do it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve bought something—whether it be food, wine, clothes, jewellery, etc—for the sole purpose of buying it for a “special occasion” and then have completely forgotten about it. Hanging out with friends is a special occasion. Getting through a week of work is a special occasion. Heck, submitting a resume is a special occasion. As I said earlier, life is short so don’t wait around until something good happens; make something good happen, and then reward yourself. *Disclaimer: I still do believe and practice delayed gratification but also realize that it’s important to savor the small victories as well.*
Don’t compare yourself to others, you are on your own journey. I am so fortunate to know so many successful friends and colleagues my age who constantly inspire me to keep working toward my own goals. However, I definitely have my moments (and occasionally days) of doubt where I question myself and my decisions and why I didn't end up where they are in their career advancement. It's an uphill battle but one I've grown accustomed to overcoming; I am on my own path and the only person I can control is myself so therefore I will keep working my ass off to get where I want to go.
There is no one right or straight way to do things. It's weird that an editing software comes to mind when I think of this but photoshop really does remind me of life sometimes; by which I mean, I can accomplish a task in a myriad of different ways and still get the same end result. My parents often worry (understandably) that because I'm not doing what everyone else is doing or because my path is not in a straight and narrow line that I'm going in the wrong direction. To which I say, I'm going a different direction—one that works best for me and where I am in life right now—but I am still moving forward.
Educate yourself. There are endless opportunities and resources for me to educate myself on topics that I didn't have the chance to in school whether it be learning an extra language, earning an additional degree, or teaching myself new camera techniques online. We have access to knowledge at the tip of our fingers that no others ever had and I can't help but think what a waste it would be not to explore our inner potential.
Develop hobbies—cultivate things that make you happy. This has helped me over the years but especially came back into play during quarantine. And if you aren’t enjoying them, if it’s not bringing you pleasure, then don’t feel guilty about walking away. Alternatively, don’t just walk away because something’s hard or you’re not inherently good at it. I love singing but I’m terrible!
And don’t let people make you feel weird about those hobbies. As I’m sure many can relate, I kept some of my favorite topics or “guilty pleasures” (i.e. watching anime, reading YA fantasy, etc.) to myself because I thought it’d be considered “uncool” or weird. Now in my 20s and with a whole heck of a lot more confidence, I don’t shy away from telling people where my interests lie. Of course I don’t broadcast them to everyone, but I also don’t let anyone's comments, teasing, or opinions get in the way. Turns out there’s fandoms for pretty much everything so you can always find people to relate to!
Cooking is not as hard as it seems! This is likely not a revelation for most people but damn I was so fortunate to have lived with a vegan, pescatarian, and all-around healthy roommates in Dublin who, through their endless patience, showed me easy tips and tricks to keep a clean diet as well as opened my eyes to Tasty. Thank you friends, you know who you are.
Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks softly and can be disguised as hard work - little nugget of knowledge courtesy of H. Jackson Brown Jr. from Life's Little Instruction Book.
When facing a hard decision, don’t ask yourself will I regret this later, ask yourself will I regret not doing this later? In life, 9/10 times we will remember the things we didn’t do, the chances we didn’t take, rather than the ones we did and then later regretted. I also always remind myself that, “I’d rather live a life of ‘oh wells’ rather than ‘what ifs’.”
Always take the bike tour. Don’t get me wrong, I love all kinds of tours. But by far, when traveling, my most exciting and exhilarating tours I have taken have been bike tours.
It’s not rejection, it’s redirection. I stand by this for both career opportunities and relationships.
Question your parents. This may seem explicitly obvious because we’ve been arguing with our parents since we could talk but it really started to sink in for me as I reached the “adulting” stage. I had no idea how to go about opening a retirement account, finding the right insurance, what to look for in a home, etc. With some things, I still just assume my parents are all-knowing on these subjects. And although they do have a wealth of knowledge of their own, I've also started to step back and ask myself, "okay, but just because it worked well for them, does that mean it's going to work for me?"
Open that Roth account. Start saving early and start saving smart.
Take time to travel. I think people, Americans especially, can underestimate how healthy even just a weekend trip can be for the mind and body. Amongst the countless activities I miss in Dublin, having a “Wellness Weekend” to get out of the city and go on a hike with my friends was definitely in my top 5.
Always keep floss, chapstick, recyclables and hand lotion (or sanitizer now) nearby, whether it be at your desk, in your car, or in your purse/ fanny pack. Floss and chapstick are always a win for when you’re out at dinner, especially on a date or for business. I also always keep recyclable shopping bags in my car and carry my own personal eating utensils to cut back on plastic usage.
Write a note to yourself at least once a year and especially before milestones; ie, always keep some kind of journal. I cannot tell you how much I’ve loved looking back at my “notes to myself” throughout the years to reflect on where I was, where I thought I was going/ would be going, and where I am now. It truly has given me incredible insight and helped me remember that not all things go according to plan but can lead to even better destinations. Examples include: my first week into a study abroad program, post-collegiate life, during Thailand/ before Ireland, and moving to Florida.
Don’t give up on those job applications (even though cover letters are the creation of Satan); you never know what’s just around the corner. It can be discouraging, soul-sucking, and absolutely mind-numbing but will become empowering when you remember all the work and positive energy you're putting into the universe will find it's way back to you.
Make an effort to watch the last sunset before each new year. Because you should. And life is short.
Nothing will ruin your 20s more than thinking you have to have your life together before you're 30. We’re too old to be wiz-kids but still young enough to try and achieve the level of fame that comes with being on Forbes 30 Under 30 list...or a Tik Tok star. As I touched on before, we are all on our own paths and personal timelines that should not adhere to a "socially acceptable" standard but rather our own level of growth. If you need some positive affirmations and inspiring stories, just check out this awesome page, The Female Lead (applicable to men as well ;)
The world is both surprisingly small and overwhelmingly large. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been across the world and bumped into someone I knew either directly or indirectly whether they came from my home town in New Jersey or a summer camp I attended years ago. And even for as much as I’ve traveled, I’m constantly in awe of how much more world there is to explore and uncover. Bottom line: keep your eyes, ears, and heart open—you never know who might meet or what you might find.
Talk things out. I have seen way too many relationships hit hard times and the solution was right there in front of them: communicating. The work needs to be put in after talking to really follow through but when it comes to fighting and disagreements with those you love, don’t be above sitting down and being vulnerable.
Make your bed. I do this every morning and it helps set me up for what I believe will be a productive day. Even if it’s the only thing you accomplish, at least you will have a nice, welcoming bed at the end of a long day. Thank you Admiral McRaven.
If you've made it this far than THANK YOU! Obviously for as much as I've learned I know there is still much more wisdom to acquire but I figured these were some good starting points. Please comment below if you think of any or feel like I missed some lessons!
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